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lollygagging

by Sofia Zarzuela

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1.
do you remember that day in grand central you say mercury was in retrograde i had a hickey on my neck from the boy who never held my hand he never hit me hard enough for anybody to get worried we up and took an early train to meet a girl who was insane the hair on the back of my neck still stands up straight when i hear her name you couldn’t differentiate your dreams from what was in front of your face i thought my heart was mending so we listened to frankie cosmos (<3) the whole way and i was always there when he fell my first i love you made my life hell little did i know i was just something for his sk8 friends’ show and tell!!
2.
i broke a pencil looking at u in choir, what can i say? i guess today is just one of those “i miss you” days faster s i dont know why, maybe cause mercury’s in retrograde i sat by your friends on the train home they glared at me the whole way you know i’d never tolerate a boy who treated you that way but like u say, we’re not the same, and all i do is complain, so drug me up and fuck me over like how you’d say “sorry your heart is breaking, here’s a pack of reds for yr pain”
3.
do u remember us all gold and boys and glory? sittin on ur fire escape feelin rotten till the morning and i sincerely hope you got the bang for your buck for leaving me you’d better at least be having fun in another universe u dont walk straight through me we’re drunk best friends again or we go to the movies in another universe none of this ever happened i dont know what yr capable of so we’re still happy yr gonna hack me to death w a kitchen knife and ill be giving u my best bedroom eyes the whole time so you’ll play w my guts in yr hands like spaghetti you’ll tear my heart to pieces more than u have already
4.
feelin trashy makin out on some strangers porch take me to the movies / say ur such a fuckin dream, split a coca cola slushie / feelin indestructible holding hands under cobble hill streetlights / playin by the books take my revolver from the purse n kick it to the shoe rack / *-*^%**@@@@*******&%$@(_(*) a bit too drunk tryna bum cigarettes by the pier @ 9 or 10 / holdin back ur hair 4 u, im ur biggest fan / this is girlhood this is dreamy ur my favorite high school movie / this is teenagedom preserve me in all of ur tainted purity / u down a couple shots n say “ur my best friend we’re getting lost together” / this is the love u kill with and we’ll have it forever n ever
5.
so happy new year you know that nothing is new and i love you but not in the way you want me to its no secret that we arent what we used to be im in love now and im sorry, im sure you can see so you wont dance w/ me and clam up when i try to hold yr hand you always stiffen up, push me away, but i guess i understand this is good, of course, i cant be your dream girl anymore u dont still have to call me beautiful just pick up when i call i lean over u to pet the cat and u sweat like a cartoon and i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you but what are we to do? so happy new year you know that nothing is new and its not fair because i love you more than he wants me to
6.
we used to ditch parties to go to my house and watch game of thrones lounge in my living room and binge those cookies from trader joes and now u’ll come all the way to my school uptown but u dont bother say hi when u kno that im around aries always have my heart and libras always break it that might sound specific but if u kno me its vague as shit and i tried so hard to improve myself but i guess people like u just arent good for my mental health so ill do nothing when you hurt me i will let you im not worthy but i wont hurt you so theres nothing left to do you dont miss me like i miss you you dont miss me like i miss you
7.
give me ur old supreme hat, drinking watered down hot chocolate,  bleach your hair in the bathtub, gossip as our friends hook up fall into the snow on your roof, watch heathers for the eighth time through,  listening to kanye west, the duane read people hate our guts and i think its nice what a sitcom group of fr.i.e.n.d.s. and i dont wanna die for the first time in a while
8.

credits

released February 29, 2016

i think frannie took the album cover picture and she also bought me the underwear and everything else in it :,)

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Sofia Zarzuela Oberlin, Ohio

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