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121 Elm Street

by Sofia Zarzuela

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1.
Boys 03:51
So here i lay playing your game i'll do anything for a body in my bed I just hate these blackout weekends where there's nothing new to see, so lets get drunk and walk up and down Elm Street there’s a green line on my finger from his ring i'll do anything i'll do anything i'll do anything i'll do anything i'll do anything just to see you once again can't you just spend the night? i don't care about your 8am i didn't want to be yours i just need to be adored by boys Boys I’ve kissed you twice and i dont mind its just I feel ive been so nice, it isnt like me I thought i could hold my own, alone in ohio but now I'm the prettiest doormat you’ll ever meet And you're the meanest boy to ever treat me sweet Anything, I’ll do anything i'll do anything i'll do anything Give up parts of my body until its gone Held back your hair, now you’re acting so withdrawn I wanted to kiss on the roof, stay up smoking until dawn I dont care whose there with me, just tell me that i'm pretty and i'm sure that we can work something out its all i can ever talk about Boys Boys Boys Boys
2.
Glow 03:01
i light up, i glow for you im making conversation in your best friends room curled like a cat on day-drunk summer afternoons i like how you’d say i love you way too soon I like you, you make me come im not undone, im having fun and i won’t lie, it does feel nice since you’re known for tossing girls aside you took me out to dinner said you were in the mood to spend, we barely spoke a word the entire time i just want to be close to you i don’t even mind and when you leave to go to sleep, you leave me with your friends and i have to act like im not tired like i'm not hanging around just to try and feel desired well maybe, I can’t rest ’til someone says that i’m the best so please don’t mention what i lack dont waste my time, i know that you dont want me back i let my day run a shitty course for you if you were gonna just ignore me, why invite me to your room and was it so naive for me to assume i wouldn’t have to barter and beg to wake up next to you
3.
Hardwood 03:07
And he said he’d never felt this way about anyone before Looking down on me while I bruised my knees on his hardwood floor And when I heard it I felt sick and I felt nothing but being alone is such a chore Maybe it’s cos it was obvious from the start he mistook being in love with being adored When i’m outgrown, another girl will come take care of you But we’ll still sit together at dinner every night I feel pathetic staring at the mud on your shoes Holding my breath until you say goodnight Then I act fucking crazy, I can't wait until this feeling goes away Our friends get annoyed cuz you're all I can talk about as of late then you talk to me and I remember we never had much to say Doesn't matter I miss you anyway I wish I could spit it all back into your mouth I melt into the wall like decoration in your house But I’d rather sleep in your room and feel alone Then go back to my own feeling whole You're just a hole I’m filling Isn't my time worth killing Someone else's mouth has left a bruise on your neck And I stare, cos now there’s really nothing left I stare and I stare and I stare and I stare Because now there’s really nothing left
4.
Vaseline 02:30
Vaseline and hello kitty stickers and cigarettes and lip balm and bags that reek of liquor Spools of thread, book versions of movies, a pocket knife and your half-empty diary Do you even think of me? Half naked on your tv screen? I left all my Fridays free, You bought me little presents when you’d bail on me Candy that you know I’ll never eat, rose petals and bubble bath eyeshadow from Macy's It’s with such ease that you receive, tapestries and tattoo needles rosaries and weed, you said "Your boyfriend’s always mad at me, the least you can do is stop pretending you’ll leave My room’s not open territory For you to find excuses to try to kiss me" Different seasons different years And schools you stopped changing up the colors of your hair, but You know that ill always be right here Hanging by a thread playing with the piercings on your ear You're all I wanted to be You're all I wanted for me
5.
It was warm on the day that we got here It was warm on the day that we left Drunk before 1pm laughing loud and impolitely All of my half-assed goodbyes tangled up in my head Now i want to go outside All of the embarrassing things that i have ever said Boiled down to your room, to your bed Made a fool of myself and i knew it was time to go home But i stayed while you yelled "it's not my fault you can't be alone" Till you said it's getting late and i think i'll probably just pass out And i took the hint, walked home barefoot with my makeup smudged and my shirt inside out Now i want to go outside Told her i'm so glad you're my only real friend Holding back my hair every weekend But when i'm not around do you miss me? Like i miss you 121 elm street I want to go outside (I wanna go to a party feel somebody's body on my body) I want to go outside (I wanna kiss a stranger the subway pole make) I want to go outside (Love to the bathroom floor) I want to go outside (The gas station door)

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released January 20, 2021

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Sofia Zarzuela Oberlin, Ohio

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