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Crowd Pleaser

by Sofia Zarzuela

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1.
Pulp Fiction 01:11
i drink my coffee black and i think of you do you regret all the drugs we didn’t do on this line where we kissed goodbye i cried and i cried and i cried and i cried your favorite movies mine what will i do without you in my life what will you do without my voice in your mind telling you to quit smoking i wish that i could quit smoking i picked up every bad habit that you left behind
2.
tell me how was your time just waiting for your hand in mine i dont think i will ever feel the same and now that i am looking back you never treated me so bad i should have let your reputation be i couldve loved you but your touch kept making me feel sick i know that none of this was any of your fault but i still blame you for it spent the night with your friends just waiting for the night to end when i woke up it was flooding outside covered your walls in sharpie somehow disappointing me i feel like i am 14 again dont take it personally when i say that i think it’ll happen twice i am a self fulfilling prophecy so it just might its so nice to see its always so nice to see you its so nice to see you its always so nice to see this may be the worst apology that you will ever hear, oh dear
3.
Met 02:03
On that day out by the met Before we inhaled our cigarettes I saw your face, you had no regret You looked so different when you left You made me laugh Your hair was blue You were always high And it was your doom We drew all over The walls of my room You fucked me up And you left me blue And i’ll never have a friend like you And i never really want to In all our plans i bet my luck Wondering if you’ll choose to show up Hold back your hair while you upchuck And the boys treat us just like grownups In my bathtub i cut your hair Then i turned around and u weren’t there I cried until my face was bare Got on my knees said a prayer I’ll never have a friend like you And ill never really want to And i’ll never know anyone like you And i hope i never have to
4.
My Baby 01:11
My baby hes been quiet lately he dont love me anymore my baby’s smoking turkish royals and he’s halfway out the door What did i think, in my cruel vanity he would stay? what is it that i do to every boy that fucks them up this way? My baby hes been lying lately as he plots his own escape so i wear that leather dress he likes and i pray that it won’t be today its bullshit to say that there is really anything left but thats what we say to the rest, isn’t bullshit what we do best? i think that its time for us and you have betrayed all my trust well you look like a god as you’re rolling up a 20 and i am not here i am just here because you let me meeeeee my baby cut his hair and i think he’s sleeping with another girl my baby put his foot down just to be the end of my whole world next time that i see you i will leave you all alone in my high heels, no kneel ordeal, lucky i picked up the phone and maybe on sunday we can end this cold war because my baby is not my baby anymore
5.
Blue 03:16
all you do is make me blue i think im the plan you stopped attending to and you must know how i look up to you but all you do it make me blue the sound of your dial tone shoves my heart out of my throat So id rather sit here all alone Than call you over just to watch you go and now it feels like all that we do is get high in your bathroom all the feelings you had for me must have subdued you know that i’ll never get over you I kissed you again I dont think we were ever friends Made you cum in your high school bed Some things make better sense unsaid I cried for your on the beach Wrote you letters that i hope youll never read i won’t bother go through our texts because they’re all blue you make me hate me for trying to reach to to you you’ve left me feeling blue you’ve left me feeling blue you’ve left me feeling blue you’ve left me feeling blue
6.
Daisy 02:34
Daisy fancies herself a new york Effie Stonem Says that all you gotta do is call the boys they just roll right in I bet she has a shitty tattoo, bet she smokes Marlboro reds Bet if you asked her she would say she wished she was dead I wish I could see in me Everything that daisy wants to be Wild reckless and free With no one looking out for me Daisy gets home at 3am There’s cocaine up in the pink room She doesn't worry about death Or the future that she'll never have Daisy can't focus in school cuz she got her allowance taken away Now she's on nicotine withdrawal, been biting her nails all day She says that she got high before school but I don't believe her Her boyfriend's 43 and she met him on tinder And I wish that my actions Were devoid of consequences Could spent my senior year on acid Enjoy my youth while it lasted I wish I could be like you Hungover Wednesday mornings, too Works at 7 went to sleep at two Getting stoned is all we do
7.
Afterprom 02:30
I have a headache again From reading over the things you said From insta-stalking your new girlfriend And fighting over plans that don’t make sense I have a headache again Remember when i said i hated my friends? I take it back i hate yours to the end We play this blame game over again I guess you just didn’t love me enough It scared me to see you acting so tough I spent 2 weeks just throwing up Waiting for you and me to go back to us And it’s the things that you do that make me hate you I feel like your wife when i berate you I tried so hard and i gave up mine Just to make our interests align So if i wanna get stoned and watch tv Is that your voice talking inside of me? I will be everything that you want me to be I finally got to kiss another girl Is it worth it if im going to prom alone It will never be the same Found myself at a party in queens Why am i always on my knees? Smiling and sniffling But at least this time its different The walls are still pink Why do I still care what you think? I just want to be up on your level I’m only pretending to be a rebel Please just say im funny or That i’m not just your pretty, boring girl They look at me like i’m a fool Like a taming of the shrew And here i am acting like im more Than what other people see me for Snorting lines of blow off of your phone My redemption is just your failure
8.
Molly 05:23
i took the train with a girl who traded half a pack of cigarettes for molly i get nervous and start to loose my head when i smoke too much weed i know im being bad but im just trying to get by but the strangest thing happened to me today this boys voice wouldn’t leave my mind i am more sorry for the things that i will do than the things that i am feeling now i imagine your sister she’s calling me heartless and all the marring that you would allow its been a long time and i, i have changed, since i met you its been a long time, and you you haven’t grew, since you loved me i am so tired of being a wife and mother i am not yet 17 i have no money to my name i cannot take on the responsibility of another life for me would you take another life? would you take mine when i fall into disarray will you help me find my way i always wanna leave you in the may i got blackout and smoked 11 cigarettes at a party all that i remember is talking to some boy about buffy i have no control over the things that i will do to make myself happy but i love you so by now you should know im always gonna take you down with me
9.
That year i was robbed of my september weather I only saw her twice she swore she would get better Some nights i want to cook her dinner and beg her to eat Some nights i want to fuck her until she screams But i’d never tell her that I’d rather just keep quiet than to ever make her sad I think she’s beautiful it’s so hard not to tell her Getting high in her room just makes me feel awkward and clumsier As september comes i fall with all the leaves I don't need your love but why would you just forget about me But i'd never tell her that I'd rather just keep quiet than to ever make her sad We can pretend but we both know that this will end We make amends we play this game over againn Anything you do to me i will defend But i know once college comes we won’t be friends Well shes a crowd pleaser and shes got me on my knees I told you all before she makes me blue she makes me bleed She tasted like polish candies i the winter time And i should give up now because she will never be mine But id never tell her that Id follow her anywhere just to hold her hand In the blue of the ocean where we swam I think about it evryday, her life, her love, her scam
10.
Im not an idiot I know that its over But i keep going so I forgot when i'm sober Last night i called you 13 times The pretty boy who caught me eye wondered why I did your drugs i wore your ring contemptuously Im done with being pretty let them see me crazy I spent all this time waiting for you to come and save me But i'm drunk alone singing “my god i'm so lonely” Im not an idiot I know its the amphetamines I should probably keep better track of my dopamine The girl i loved lodged in my throat she is a part of me You've never seen I wear your name like its a part of me Im counting down the days until i get married I built this fucking love so strongly that its scaring me I built a love so raw it bleeds I made a boy so raw he bleeds

credits

released April 11, 2019

Harmonies by Ariana Kazansky
Production by Caleb Heineman

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Sofia Zarzuela Oberlin, Ohio

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